Who Do You Want To Be?

I don't do New Year's resolutions.

And goals annoy me too. Not because they aren't useful, but I get anxious just thinking about them.

Or more to the point, I struggle trying to craft goals which have even a sprinkle of 'completion factor' without external factors rendering them useless. Thanks Covid/cost of living/rental crises etc

Instead, I like to set 'do-ables' which I have complete control over. Things which don't get squashed by pandemics, financial wows or other people.

I call them VALUES - qualities which I can bring to my behaviour everyday, immune to outside factors.

Values shape the way I 'see' myself. They are the things I stand for in the face of challenges and set-backs. And when I live them I get an atom-bomb shot of self worth and richness from a life I deem responsible for.

More New Year's resolutions up in smoke!

So who do I want to be in 2024?

1. Connection with my sons

Listen to them without distraction

Compliment their ideas, efforts and accomplishments

Catch them doing things right

Ask questions about their day, what they are feeling, is everything OK with you, what are you thinking?

Do what they want to do

2. Connection with my wife

Tell her you love her, often

Finish this sentence often: “I love the way you…”

Kiss her when you say goodbye

Touch, often

Laugh with her

Say “Thanks for…”

3. Self-Care

Strength train 3 days per week

Heart train at least 1 per week

Eat foods which promote my vitality

Play guitar

Speak well of others

4. Keep Learning

Read everyday

Commit to becoming a better therapist everyday

Ask questions of experts

5. Practice Mindfulness

Observe my thoughts/feelings as it happens, without judgement

Acknowledge and make room for them without them pushing me around

Act on my values in the face of unpleasant thoughts/feelings

Find the message these unpleasant thoughts/feelings are trying to tell me

6. Make Memories

My time left on Earth is short, do things with a ‘temporary’ mindset

Flavour and savour my days

Be present in my interactions

Make deposits in other people’s emotional bank accounts

These are the things I can do everyday in the pursuit of a rich and meaningful life. They

give me the inspiration, guidance and motivation to be the person I want to be.

Thanks but no thanks New Year's Resolutions..

Note: I help many men craft their values in my 1 on 1 therapy sessions. Without doubt it's the most powerful way to reconnect with a life away from misery and emotional pain.

Reach out at david@bettermancounselling.com